My first question would be, why would you want to be a good wife to a husband that’s bad to you? There are so many interpretations of what constitutes mistreatment, including abuse.
A relationship where someone is “bad” to you is unhealthy, likely toxic, and not one you’re obligated to appease. In most instances, these are the sorts of relationships you would be advised to walk away from.
In any event, instead of considering this husband as a “bad” man, we’re going to look at this from a different perspective. We’ll try to discern how to perhaps appreciate an imperfect spouse – how about that? Let’s dive in.
Tips for being a good wife to an imperfect husband
In saying that you should attempt to find a way to appreciate an imperfect husband, you must first recognize that you, too, are a flawed being. While that might be the case, the imperfections are essential because they differentiate one person from the next imperfect human on the planet, with unique quirks, flaws, and eccentricities.
You’ll be introduced to these usually much sooner than your wedding day. During the honeymoon phase and even while engaged, most flaws are often excused as adorable because no one is thinking with their rational thought process yet.
With marriage, the rose-colored glasses come off. At that point, some people wonder where the stranger with the many annoyances came from. That’s not only the wife looking at her husband but vice versa. Still, we’ll pick on the husband for this one.
This is part of why the first year of being married is an adjustment period and is often considered the toughest year of marriage. Despite the feeling of doubt being experienced and maybe even dislike, there is still an unspoken vow of respect and appreciation owed from one spouse to the other, which must be upheld.
How is that possible with someone who delves into the depths of imperfection so profoundly? Is that even practical? It is, and you can.
Come to terms with what is the reality of the human relationship
This is somewhat difficult to explain without bringing religion or personal faith into the subject. I am going to quote.
“we all stumble in many ways”
No one wants to be put up on a pedestal to be labeled as perfect. If you recognize that “stumbles” are usual for everyone, you’ll focus less on the norm and begin to look for what might be extraordinary, where there’s uniqueness, and what sets them apart.
That will be where you’ll learn to respect and appreciate the whole individual you married.
Maybe you decide you don’t want to put forth that sort of effort. Instead, you’d prefer to walk away and find someone who has it all together, a person that will treat you ideally. You invest substantial time and effort, even inviting friends and family to help you scour the area to find a “perfect” candidate.
When you narrow down the choices, you decide on the mate who is your vision of optimum. After dating and reaching exclusivity, the next step is engagement, but something’s not right.
You searched high and low for this idyllic man, and low and behold; he went and stumbled. Regardless of how high you set your standards and the perception of who you believe yourself to be, you will never find a person on this Earth who is without flaws. Find appreciation in what you have.
Marriage is inherently challenging
Marriage isn’t meant to be all rainbows and daisies. You’ll find you’re often disappointed and lack the capacity to respect your spouse because you have attached “unrealistic expectations” to what marriage should be.
The union is supposed to be difficult and challenge you. When two human beings, again flawed in numerous ways, marry and combine those flaws into one relationship under a single roof, there will be problems, rough patches, and disagreements on every little thing.
These can include trivialities like who didn’t put the cap back on the toothpaste or how the toilet paper roll should face. Then come severe troubles because there’s not always intelligent thinking in couplehood.
Sometimes partners make blundering mistakes that they don’t even understand themselves.
Moments happen where a husband might intentionally be hurtful or unintentionally bring pain to their spouse. How do you maneuver through these “bad” behaviors and find respect?
Forgiveness. There’s a desire to hang on because the good qualities outweigh the mistakes. That makes it easy to learn to forget the other’s imperfections and progress forward instead of choosing to run away.
Are you a hypocrite
In a majority of wedding ceremonies, it is suggested that a bride love a new husband, not judge. They are further coaxed to encourage their future spouse and not “recount possible failures.”
Finally, the soon-to-be spouse is led to honor and respect this man they are about to commit to but not profess their shortcomings within their spirituality.
You will grow to appreciate a husband you find to be imperfect by becoming humble and recognizing where you, too, fall short.
Or you can continue to lament your dissatisfaction with your guy’s varied actions. It can be the fact he doesn’t love you as people do in the movies, or maybe he has habits like paying too much attention to his mobile, or perhaps he likes food a little bit too much according to your standards. Still, are you being hypocritical at all in these scenarios?
Do you have one set of expectations where your partner is concerned and a whole other standard for yourself and how you treat your man? It’s curious if you love him as the women do in the movies.
Do you have a wholly enriched, healthy relationship with food? And how much time do you spend with your mobile; is it in the drawer whenever your spouse comes home so you can spend quality time together?
Getting in touch with your reality is crucial if you intend to find the necessary love, honor, appreciation, and respect for your husband.
Can you handle the wounds after the vows
Everyone comes with baggage when entering into a marriage. These can be due to rejections from relationships, past cheating from exes, a tough childhood, and numerous scenarios that make people who they are but also create challenges in partnerships.
When dating and even into an engagement, often a partner sees these issues as a reason to nurture and offer empathy. The initial thought process is to help this person.
Sadly, after the ceremony, things get skewed in the brain to where a spouse starts to look at their husband’s weaknesses as an inconvenience and ponders why he needs to act this way.
There is now a sense of regret and bitterness over his troubles, like they’re in some way infringing on the relationship. You have yourself to blame for the imperfections you’re now finding intolerable.
Simply considering whether you could live with these wounds for the rest of your life before committing to marriage would have saved heartache not only for yourself. But for the man who has to endure your impatience while suffering with his emotional turmoil.
You need to re-find the soft heart you once held for these traumatic issues that at one point gave you the goal to help your mate work through them.
There’s a reason you’ve become hard and cold to problems that used to bring you empathy. Look for the underlying cause of your resentment so it can be resolved.
It could take sitting down for some therapy sessions with a professional counselor. Undoubtedly, your husband can benefit from these, considering the baggage he’s dealing with.
And you might find something specific between the two of you causing resentment that has nothing to do with the baggage. Once it’s fixed, you’ll be back to appreciating and respecting your husband and the weaknesses that he endures.
Everyone in this world is imperfect. The sort of “imperfect” you’re dealing with in your husband will determine the method you use to make your marriage one of respect and appreciation.
If you’re mistreated, as mentioned in the beginning, particularly if there’s abuse in the relationship, that’s not something you can simply appease and move on day to day.
An unhealthy or toxic situation is something you would be advised to move away from and not try to make work. These don’t tend to get better; only worsen over time.
Otherwise, it’s essential to look at yourself as the flawed human you are, we all are, before setting standards or making expectations of your spouse.
Don’t hold him on a pedestal but allow yourself a seat on the lawn. That perfection you prescribe him is not sustainable. He will stumble. Will you let go to find someone better, or are you capable of recognizing his extraordinary qualities and growing to appreciate and respect these? If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll know the answer.