As a rule, the consensus has always been that it’s inappropriate to break up with someone in any way other than face to face. Breaking up with someone over text always was viewed as cowardice and exceptionally rude.
People might still agree overall, but it would have to depend on the circumstances if you were to really consider it.
For someone attempting to break free from something toxic, texting is a way to walk away without the potential for manipulation, coaxing, or worse, abuse.
Some people also contend with severe panic or anxiety episodes making it challenging for them to approach someone in a situation that could possibly turn into a confrontation or conflict in person.
It could induce an almost traumatic situation for the person to have to endure possibly hurting someone with a break-up.
In other situations, a partner might be particularly codependent, forcing their significant other to find an alternative method like texting to break ties. So there can be a definitive explanation with no room for conversation or reasoning in order to try to persuade someone to remain in what is an unhealthy circumstance.
If you know breaking up is just not something that will work out in your best interest, let the person know that. Own it, hold accountability, and don’t use “you” statements but only “I” to explain the situation.
If you’ve had honest communication to this point, the individual should be somewhat prepared and recognize there are issues. It shouldn’t be a total surprise.
Still, there should be an apology for the method of your approach. And if none of these situations apply to your relationship, don’t text; face your partner, and have a legitimate conversation.
Breaking up with a person nicely through text
Break-ups are tough, least of all messy but can be exceptionally painful depending on the circumstances. Under those conditions, many people prefer to cut ties without having to face their partner to avoid creating more damage.
The truth is often each person recognizes they’re no longer compatible, but one remains in denial wanting to hold on. At the same time, the other sees that the partnership is not workable despite the fact that you care for each other.
Perhaps they simply don’t want the same things or constantly bicker over the tiniest things. Instead of taking the step to move on, there’s an agreement to try harder. But no one puts in the effort.
In any event, it is possible to find the least harsh way via text to break up without causing a great deal of pain, plus offer adequate closure. Check out some tips on breaking up politely via text.
Begin the message with an authentic compliment
The message should greet the person by name and thank them for the contributions they made to the partnership you shared. If you only had one or two dates, express how you enjoyed them and what specifically you liked, perhaps the places they chose as the venue.
You don’t want to tell the individual that you find them to be “sweet or kind” but instead the sort of person they appear to be to you. Like perhaps “seem to be a genuine individual.”
Acknowledge your attempt, to be honest
Begin the content with “in reality” or “to be honest – TBH.” Your soon-to-be-ex will recognize your attempt to be forthright and that you have made an effort in your text instead of merely sending something off.
There has been time spent with the decision before ultimately coming to the idea that it should be over.
Perhaps something along the lines of “in reality, we had fun together, but in the end, we’re simply not compatible.” It’s succinct, let’s them know you enjoyed their company, but there’s no sustainability as a couple.
Try to avoid pointing fingers or expressing blame. No one should use harsh tones or be impolite when ending a partnership. Instead, it would help if you tried to separate with things in a good place.
It would be ideal for holding yourself accountable for what’s happening and expressing the reasons you believe it didn’t work out from your perspective based on things concerning your misgivings. Perhaps “I have realized we’re on a different page with many of our needs and dreams or goals.”
Make sure to be direct and concise
It might not be your intention. But then again, it could be to develop a rather good friendship from the partnership when things are finished in the romantic aspect.
If you believe this is something the two of you can share maturely and without complication, this might be something you want to communicate at the end of the message to give your partner something to ponder.
They will need to consider whether this is something they want to pursue or if they want to make a clean break from you. Whatever decision that’s made, you must respect it. For those who want to disconnect, make sure you do so.
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Don’t leave room for interpretation
If you make vague comments that allow for confusion on your soon-to-be ex’s part, they can establish different connotations from what you’re saying than what you intend.
You must be clear in your message with no room for interpretation and no indication that you could possibly, at some point, change your standpoint.
That needs to be blatantly stated in a way such as “I will not be changing my mind.” You can further express that you would prefer there no longer be any form of communication and that you hope for the best for their future.
In this way, they can understand there will be no connection from that point moving forward.
Only one or two dates warrant a simple message
If you’ve only had a couple of dates with someone and it’s just not clicking, or there’s simply no connection, the message you send needs to be quite simple to let the individual know that you’re “not interested.”
This is not the sort of situation where you need to go into great detail or warrant an extensive explanation for why it didn’t work out.
You can thank the person for a lovely evening but indicate that it’s not a “good fit for you.” You can wish them well in the dating world as they go forth. But you don’t have to go more in-depth.
For long-term relationships that come to an end, explain
When a long-term relationship comes to an end, you owe a thorough explanation for why you feel the relationship needs to come to an end. If there was something specific that happened, say that.
If the person cheated or had an affair, touch on that but don’t lash out hatefully or hurtfully; simply and bluntly express your explanation.
You can go further in that you will not be able to move forward with the relationship after what happened. But instead, prefer that it end and that there be no further interaction.
With a long-term partnership, a text to break up will likely receive messages back or even a phone call. You will probably not get off the hook, with the ending being one succinct message to close the chapter.
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Leave the opportunity for a discussion
If you have many things happening in your life that disallows the time or energy a partnership requires and simply cannot give one what it needs, you can say that in a text.
Then leave the opportunity for the individual to set up a face-to-face discussion when either of you has the chance to hold a conversation. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you will continue with the relationship.
Perhaps you might continue casually as friends whenever you have a moment here and there. That might work if both of you come to be on the same page about how things are set up between you.
Make sure all communication is as concise and transparent as possible. Hence, the individual recognizes that you are not introducing the possibility of a relationship but instead indicating there is no possibility for one.
You only have time for an occasional dinner or drink out, maybe as friends.
It’s not ideal to break up with someone by text, but there are situations where it might be safer or perhaps more healthy. Maybe you don’t know them well and just want to send a courtesy message instead of simply never calling again.
The priority is to be empathetic, honest, and direct so there is no room for interpretation or perhaps misinterpretation. You only want to have to make the communication once and end the connection with no further contact.
That is unless you want to continue to be friends, but make sure the other person is up for that before you continue to reach out.
It’s sometimes more difficult to stay friends if the ex still has feelings.
A complete disconnect is much more healing in those instances and will lead to a more healthful moving forward. The priority is to remain respectful regardless of the course the break-up takes.