If you’re one of those wives who suffer when the husband leaves when you argue, then, keep reading the full guide. We’ll show you what that means and how you can deal with that problem and fix things. When a partner spends nights and days outside, or even avoids going back home after each fight, that could mean more serious issues. So, this needs your intention, my lady.
Conflict avoidance, many people suffer from an inability to handle conflict. Instead of staying in the moment and engaging in a fight, argument, or disagreement, the spouse will either leave the situation or emotionally shut down, going completely silent.
There can be numerous reasons for the behavior, like perhaps a past trauma or possibly a previous rejection. Still, in most cases, the person offers justification for their lack of interaction on the serious topics. Unfortunately, with unresolved issues in a marriage, the union can’t thrive.
For that to happen, there needs to be consistent and healthy communication. That’s of course, regardless of the need to have a battle now and again, a relevant part of even the most vital couple’s partnership.
When the husband continues to leave with every fight, he’s jeopardizing the relationship, with the likelihood that his mate will grow tired of having problems left to fester. Let’s look at a few things that can be done to help the situation.
Tips to help a husband who struggles with conflict avoidance
There will be disagreements, arguments, and fights in a happy, healthy marriage. You can’t agree on every subject, plus the passion you share will cause exceptional emotion with conflict. Without passion, you won’t care enough to attempt to work through the rough patches – unless you suffer from conflict avoidance issues or your husband cheats on you etc…
The mates who choose to leave when a fight erupts instead of sticking around to participate in the conversation can have numerous reasons for the behavior. Some of these include the possibility of rejection for a previous relationship or a past traumatic experience.
There’s also the chance they simply don’t like the idea of a partner being angry with them. Whatever the reason, leaving unresolved problems festering in a partnership can be detrimental to the point of losing a partner.
A healthy, strong relationship depends on open, honest communication to thrive. Without that, it breaks down with the mates eventually needing to find a solution to the issue, perhaps counseling or separating. Check out a few tips that might help if your husband suffers from conflict avoidance.
Consider yourself before you attempt to make corrections
Do you try to win the argument instead of being more concerned about how the issue is affecting the partnership? Also, do you approach the problem in a combative manner? Do you make even minor details significant?
While you might be more of an expressive personality who perhaps comes from a family that battles using more of a colorful context, your husband might be intimidated by that approach. So, he did that instead of being a more reserved personality.
If you expect to resolve issues in order to move beyond them, it’s vital to create an environment where differences can be discussed safely without the possibility of judgment. The idea is that each person feels respected, valued, and heard.
Pay attention to your tone
A spouse will shut down or walk away from the space if confronted with aggressiveness, maybe screaming or yelling. Emotions should be left out of discussions.
If you don’t believe you’re ready to have a conversation without being emotional, let your partner know it would be good to set aside some time to come back together after taking some time to consider a solution.
Decide on a specific day and time so that neither person has an excuse to avoid the discussion. When that “appointment” arrives, make sure that you’re intentional with your words and behavior. So that the environment is peaceful and calm without high emotion, so the focus can be on the issue and resolving it.
Have patience and understanding
It’s important to recognize when a spouse is enduring internal battles; that’s likely with someone avoiding conflict. The intention is to fully engage in an attempt to solve the problems and move forward happily. But the battle they face is the inescapable desire to run from the conflict, making them either shut down or leave when a fight begins.
You might present a very calm, open, communicative demeanor with a partner who springs back and forth from a level of complete vulnerability into becoming defensive. So, it’s wise to come back to discussions after some time passes and a spouse has had the opportunity to improve their conflict engagement.
The important thing is to be patient and understand if the conversation needs to be revisited two or three times as they adjust. It might take time for the mindset to move away from avoidance to resolve the issues.
Wait your turn
Before you say anything when there’s a disagreement, allow your mate to have the first words. In many conflict avoidance scenarios, the partner will walk away after unpleasantries have been exchanged, and their idea is to maintain peace.
The mate is afraid anything they say could make the situation much worse. Instead, the partner prefers to leave the scene altogether. If, however, a spouse is encouraged to express their views first, they’ll be less likely to try to say what they believe you want to hear and be more authentic with their thoughts and opinions.
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The critical thing in this situation is that you do not downgrade what they have to say even if you disagree. Recognize the opinion or viewpoint and appreciate it. But it’s essential also to share your feelings, albeit in a respectful, reasonable voice. That way, a decent conversation with your man can ensue.
Maintain a level of respect and decorum
When speaking to your partner, the suggestion is always to use “I” instead of accusatory statements that begin with “you.” That expresses your subjective experience and personal feelings instead of pointing the finger or blaming the other person.
When a partner believes they’re in the hot seat, especially someone who doesn’t like conflict, one of the first things they want to do is leave the fight. Arguments should not involve criticizing the other person. Each person needs to realize the battle isn’t about mates.
Arguments and disagreements are based on emotion and feelings plus unmet expectations or dissatisfaction. The idea is to focus on what you believe might be missing and not what you believe your spouse feels is missing.
You can’t speak for another person’s feelings or emotions; only your own. Communication and even conflicts work better when people realize that.
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Change should not be the expectation
People have difficulty changing their makeup, and you shouldn’t expect someone to transform fully. If you’re entirely unhappy with your husband as he is, and their attempts at growth are not sufficient, it’s in your hands to either seek counseling to learn to be more accepting. Or move on to a situation where you can find peace and happiness.
Someone who doesn’t like conflict will likely never be joyful when a disagreement breaks out. Any improvement is a reason to celebrate not only the effort but the growth and commitment to the relationship. As time goes by, it might become a bit easier to resolve issues as the husband starts to learn their voice is being heard.
There might still be occasions when a tempered argument sends a partner out the door. Still, it’s better to be understanding of who your husband is and recognize that they’re working on the issue with good progress for the most part. An intense fight is something that anyone prone to avoiding conflict will likely run from.
Why differences need to be accounted for when dealing with conflicts
When dealing with conflicts in a marriage or any relationship, it’s essential to realize that everyone handles disagreement. So, he will try to deal with arguments, and even fights in their own unique way.
Some people, as in conflict avoidance, do not like to participate in an unpeaceful sort of situation. Consequently, they will go to any length to steer clear of those, including leaving or walking away entirely.
When you recognize that you’re “wired” differently than a spouse or a mate, the first thing to remember is that you’re still both from the same camp rooting for the same team.
While you work through these differences, ultimately, you’ll find that balance, the place where you complement each other though it might be a bit rocky for a while.
You might not like that a partner finds it necessary to leave the house until things cool down. Still, make sure to handle those rough patches in the most loving way with as much patience and understanding as possible. The more time that passes, the easier it will be to come together to resolve the issues.
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When you have a husband who wants to run away any time there’s a fight, it can be exceptionally frustrating, bordering on annoying. Still, the last thing you want to do is react to the behavior emotionally.
Instead, it’s essential to consider how you can help your partner handle the conflict more healthfully and get their input on the situation as well.
One consideration is reaching out for couples counseling. A therapist can work with partners to determine what’s happening during conflicts. So, he may find out that the individuals might not otherwise be aware of, leading to a mate preferring to leave instead of dealing with the problem.
It might be a challenge to get someone who avoids conflict to a counseling session. Even if you need to go individually, you’ll receive practical tools to help you deal with the issues.