When someone accuses you of something you didn’t do, the first instinct is to become emotional, angry, and want to lash out in defense of yourself.
That typically doesn’t make a situation better when a boyfriend is accusing you of cheating. It can often make things worse, leading them to believe you’re becoming defensive because you, in fact, are guilty of something.
It’s wise to consider the issue trying to establish the best way to deal with it, even though that will be a challenge. An important step will be to step away until you’re calm enough to listen to what they have to say without becoming emotional in response to their upset.
Critical to the situation is being prepared to ask appropriate questions to gain clarity and ensure you understand how your mate came to their conclusion. Hence, you have an idea of how to respond.
What to do if your partner accuses you of cheating?
Whatever created the insecurity, your boyfriend feels strongly, or there would not be a conversation. It doesn’t hurt knowing you’ve been faithful to find out they believe you are capable of cheating.
Automatically you become defensive. But at the same time, you want to speak rationally and reasonably to sort through the issue. So your mate understands they are confused.
An open, honest and vulnerable discussion free of emotion needs to happen in order to come to a solution and progress forward. Some methods for working through the issue can include:
Let your partner know that you hear and recognize the concern
Validating to your mate that you recognize their concern and let them know that you want to hear why they feel the way they do is integral in eventually coming to a resolution.
There is every possibility that your pattern mistook certain behavior and, instead of opening a dialog, allowed it to fester into this reaction.
Maybe you were working longer than is typical, perhaps with new colleagues going out to dinner meetings, and it was misread as something developing between you.
Allow the opportunity for your boyfriend to explain where the insecurity is coming from and express your understanding of why he might feel that way.
When you let a partner know that you can relate to how that could turn into an issue of mistrust, you’re validating their feelings. In turn, you’re helping to deepen the bond between you because you’re paying attention to what’s genuinely at the heart of the matter and care.
Once you know where the problem lies and can work through the issue together, you can also find healthy ways to prevent potential confusion in the future.
Reintroduce yourself to your partner
A mate might have issues from past relationships when partners were not faithful to them. Since then, you have dealt with many episodes of insecurity and uncertainty from your boyfriend over your commitment to the partnership and whether your loyalty is sincere.
You’ve had to explain many times that you’re not the person he’s been with before. You’re entirely different from those individuals. It’s essential to realize if your guy wants to start fresh. He has to let go of the past and progress forward with the intention that what he has is healthy and new.
In some situations, if communication between the two of you is not adequate, it might be necessary for the individual to go for counseling to work through what’s happened in previous relationships. That’s particularly helpful if there has been cheating, and it was never something that was worked through.
- Read also: How to be a good wife to a bad husband
Let your significant other know they’re hurting you with the accusations
As with you validating your mate’s concerns and paying attention to what they have to say on the issue, turnabout is fair play. The time will come when your partner needs to give you the opportunity to express how the accusations have hurt you, that they are unwarranted, and why.
Dismissing how the false accusations make you feel or holding on to that can leave these emotions unresolved, eventually causing resentment towards your partner.
The hard questions to answer will be whether the issue has the potential to pop up again down the road and if there will be other episodes of insecurity or misperceptions based on activities that you participate in.
Does your partner have a trust issue where you’re concerned, and if so, why? These are the problems that genuinely need solving. If they can’t be, then you might have a problem moving the relationship into the future. It’s essential to look at the partnership closer.
Trust between two partners is imperative. That is the foundation for a healthy, strong relationship, one that can thrive, grow and develop its bond over the course of time.
Without trust, there will always be fear that a mate will hurt you. Do you have an overall trust issue within the partnership, or could this be chalked up to a single incident of misreading a situation? You need to closely assess the relationship to gain insight into the truth.
- Keep reading: What to do when someone takes a picture of you?
Is it possible to progress forward?
Once you have an open, honest discussion about how each person feels about the claims of indiscretion, you need to each decide if the relationship is once the two of you want to continue to invest time and effort into.
Partnerships take extensive work, especially when there are trials and tribulations where each person experiences pain and upset. There would be no greater example than this situation requiring a great deal of constructive, healthy communication to move past these hurt feelings.
With heavy accusations like these involving betrayal, it can be challenging for each person to decide whether they want to move forward with the other. In a sense, each feels cheated by the other; one by accusations of a betrayal, the other believing there was a betrayal.
When “darkness” takes over, a mate made to feel guilty with no reason
When there are continued accusations of infidelity with no warrant, some partners get worn out from receiving the brunt end of the chronic insecurities and can eventually choose to act if they’re going to be blamed for it anyway.
That isn’t the healthy way to handle the situation, of course, but frustration often precedes reason in some circumstances.
It generally means a partner has reached a breaking point with anger and constant distrust hurting the partnership with no cause, especially when there’s an anticipation that you will trust your mate without fail.
When a partnership reaches this level, it’s time to move on separately. Or the distrusting mate needs to go forward with individual counseling to attempt to become more committed to their partner and resolve what deem personal problems that have to stem from previous relationships.
The individual shouldn’t be given further opportunities to put you in such an awful and awkward position by taking what appear to be old patterns out on you, especially when they’re unsure what they’re saying is based on fact.
What if your boyfriend is the one cheating while accusing you
One thing to be mindful of when a boyfriend repeatedly accuses you of cheating oftentimes, that can be a guilty person’s way of diverting the attention away from their own behavior.
It’s essential to pay attention to the signs before attempting to defend yourself against the misperceptions. Perhaps your mate has a passcode on his phone.
Does he go out without revealing where he’s headed or who with? It’s not that you need to have a suffocating partnership. But if he’s purposely hiding things from you, like a new friend or colleague, these can be reasons to develop mistrust.
Perhaps look at the “cheating” accusations from this perspective to see if maybe there’s any chance it could be that your boyfriend is guilty.
That will change the whole scope of the circumstances. Which is helping you to understand the thought process behind the blame is to take the focus off himself, making you worry about the messages you’re sending and why.
If you find your boyfriend is cheating and has been accusing you, that can be tough if you want to work through that to progress with the partnership.
In many situations, the idea of leaving and moving on to something more healthy with someone who could never do something so low would be the better option.
- Read next: Why does a guy hide his relationship status?
When dealing with infidelity for real, there is betrayal, hurt, pain, and loss of trust. No one wants to be accused of doing something so horrific to the one they love unwarrantedly.
If there are insecurities on your part, speak about them openly and vulnerably with your partner before they fester to a point where you genuinely convince yourself of something without any actual proof to back it up.
Sometimes just being falsely accused is enough for some mates to walk away because they feel betrayed by their partner for not trusting them never to do something so awful.
Communication is so important in a relationship from the moment you get even just a stir that something doesn’t feel right, you should go to a partner and open the dialogue. You could save yourself and your mate much heartache.