Why Do you Miss your Toxic Ex?

It’s not abnormal for a person to miss a toxic ex-partner. It’s never easy to separate from an individual you once cared for. The problem when letting go of an unhealthy partnership, why it can be somewhat more challenging aside from the usual upset that comes with a breakup, is the baggage it leaves behind.

On the one hand, it takes courage to walk away when it becomes evident that the two of you together make an incompatible combination, sort of an oil and water mixture. 

But. it doesn’t distract from the confusion you feel; wondering what about you was so difficult to like. Toxicity strips self-esteem, diminishes self-love and causes people to forget their self-worth.

It’s tough to make sense of a circumstance when it’s essentially nonsensical. For instance, you’re a good person, and someone treated you poorly. While in your heart you know you did deserve better, you can’t help but still think of your ex, wondering why and missing them. 

Fortunately, good counselors are available for people dealing with an overwhelm of blurred emotions. The professional will clarify the confusion and guide you through each reason why to bring you out on the healthy side.

Missing your toxic ex girlfriend of boyfriend

Of course, when there’s a breakup, you will miss the person you leave. That’s even true if the relationship was unhealthy. When you spend any amount of time in a partnership, you grow to care in your own ways. 

There is a comfortability and familiarity that develops despite the toxicity. It’s essentially what you come to know.

Usually, to move on from, to say the least, an atypical relationship that didn’t make sense leaving you now with questions you don’t know how to answer, it’s essential to reach out for therapy. 

A counselor can help you answer those questions, offer you coping skills to work through the sadness of losing someone, and guide you toward moving forward. Some things the experts can help you to understand include:

The toxicity diminished your self-esteem

In order to establish the courage to walk away from an unhealthy couplehood, you need to have relatively healthy self-esteem. That can contrast with the fact that toxicity will often eat away at this piece of mental wellness by a partner being critical or demeaning.

Sometimes people stick with the toxic mate because there’s the idea that they have no worth. You would then believe no one else will want you and certainly don’t want to be alone. This, too, is why you miss them, fear of the loss.

In some cases, there’s the reasoning that the relationship would be healthy if it weren’t for you; you just need to try harder. 

See the pattern. The toxic partner is stripping self-love, feelings of personal value, and confidence. But once you gain the courage and walk away, a therapist will aim to have you reclaim these.

You have a false sense that you can fix the problems

Relationships are hard work. They’re not always daisies and lemonade. There is much energy, time, and effort that each partner needs to exert for a thriving, strong bond. 

When you throw two people into the mix of an unhealthy, incompatible couplehood, you will be the only one putting forth that effort, and it will be ten times as intense as a typical partnership requires.

You genuinely believe that you’ve made a terrible mistake when you decide to leave. The thought process is if you had put in more time or exerted a bit more energy, loved the person more, or maybe if you go back, things will get better if the mate will have you back. 

You have the mindset that going the extra mile will incentivize your partner to change so the toxicity stops. How much time do you need before you recognize that this individual has made no attempts thus far to improve for you? It’s time to exert effort into becoming healthy for you.

The partnership is all too familiar for you

You were able to adjust to an unhealthy partnership and learn to grow comfortable in that environment because you grew up similarly. You found ways to calm yourself and cope under those circumstances making the chaos grow to a degree of comfortability and familiarity.

When you associate your relationship with your significant other in the same context as that which your parents endured, it probably seems almost normal. 

If you let that go, you would not only miss the person, but it’s likely that without attending therapy to heal, you would end up back in another toxic partnership.

It’s imperative to get to the root of what’s causing you to gravitate toward individuals who treat you poorly so you can break the pattern. Otherwise, you’ll be bound to a lifestyle not unlike the one you were raised in. Let’s hope no children will be exposed.

You are lonely and afraid of being left alone

You’re missing the ex because at least you had someone. That’s probably why you stayed in an unhealthy union for as long as you did. You were afraid of being alone if you walked away. Now that you have, you’re finding yourself incredibly lonely.

A toxic relationship takes an immense amount of time and effort to maintain. There’s little time for anything else, other friends, family, hobbies. It sadly becomes your entire focus. 

When it becomes too unhealthy, and you decide you have to walk away, not having your time monopolized by the energy it requires leaves you feeling alone and scared that you won’t find someone else. Plus, a toxic ex will be bold enough to tell you these things.

In order to avoid loneliness after walking away, it’s essential to get involved in something along with counseling to keep yourself busy and active, so there’s minimal time to think about what you’re missing.

That will decrease the chance of contacting the person with the expectation that you can work things out.

Social networks are a constant reminder

Another reason you’re having difficulty forgetting is having access to your ex’s social networks depicting the individual enjoying a good time with friends, going out, and making frequent posts about their many activities. 

The thing about social sites is you should never believe anything that you read on there.

The posts that people make are there to impress those around them. In many cases, these are realistic representations of their actual life. Everyone is essentially “acting” for their network friends with the agenda to impress. 

The more someone seems to have it together, the next person will come up with something more extravagant to outdo that person.

In saying that, exes will usually post the fact that they’re enjoying a fantastic social life after a breakup for their ex’s benefit. That’s simply because they know you’ll be reading it, or at least that’s what they hope.

Texts, messages, phone calls, seeing the person

You have so many ways to reach out or run into your ex. You miss your toxic ex because they were relatively controlling, consistently texting, phoning, and messaging to know where you were all the time. 

Your devices are quiet now, and it’s strange for you. You are urged to send something to see if the individual will respond, not a very good idea. When you walk away from toxicity, the suggestion is to eliminate the possibility of contact. 

That means blocking and deleting mobile numbers and email addresses, unfriending and blocking social networks and all messenger apps, and ensuring that you avoid any places you would go together as a couple.

While it’s tough not to have to answer to another person when you’ve been doing so for a long time, the suggestion is to turn to friends you had before the partnership. 

Often, these friendships get lost or pushed aside in this sort of controlling situation. Check in with your mates and explain the situation to them. Good friends will understand and surround you with support.


It’s not unusual to miss someone you break up with. In fact, it’s to be anticipated. When you’re with someone for any time, your lives intertwine with a new familiarity and comfortability, a different routine. 

When that new lifestyle is toxic, you might not recognize it immediately or think you’re mistaken. By the time you do, that familiarity makes you hold on longer. 

The toxicity confuses your feelings to where you begin to question your personal value. Do you get the courage to walk away, or will missing them take precedence over your self-esteem? 

Your mental wellness should always be the priority. A counselor will ensure that you see your worth, find self-love and reestablish your self-esteem. 

When you grow healthy and look back, it will be then that you’ll see truly what was wrong with the partnership and what to do to avoid repeating the pattern in the future. But the professional will be necessary to guide you through. You can’t and don’t want to try to heal on your own.

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