Your guy is still online dating while in a relationship with you? What is an automatic response for most people – an emotional affair. Is that always the case -no? Let’s look at this sensitive subject.
The digital age brought a whole new concept for dating that many people didn’t at first grasp. Now, it’s the hottest trend, with few people meeting in the traditional sense.
These platforms are reminiscent of online shopping, but you’re looking for the ideal mate in this arena. After reviewing countless profiles and messaging with interesting people, you meet someone with the potential for a long-term commitment.
However, after spending more and more time together, you find out the guy is still online dating while in a relationship with you.
While you never discussed exclusivity, wouldn’t speak with other people, and updating your profile be the last thing on your mind if you’re satisfied with the partnership you’ve entered into.
As a new partner, you get alerts from sites and emails when more recent matches pop up. Still, you’ve been neglecting your profile to nurture the romantic relationship you’re trying to establish.
How do you handle what has become a unique issue specific to dating in the digital world? When you date online, are these automatically thought of as “open relationships,” or are you unknowingly involved in “polyamory?”
Or is this just good, old-fashioned cheating on your boyfriend’s part? Let’s look at some reasons why your boyfriend is still on online dating sites.
Reasons a mate stays on dating sites while in a relationship
After swiping right endlessly, you find someone on a favorite dating app that checks all your right boxes and decides to reach out with a friendly “hello.”
After messaging back and forth and meeting in person to confirm there’s a connection, the two of you pursue dating with the intention of a long-term relationship. While things seem fantastic, you suddenly recognize that your partner is frequenting dating sites but assures you that he likes you.
Tip: You can also find people on dating sites with their basic details such as full name, phone number, or even email.
You could excuse it by saying it’s merely the old account that he just hasn’t deleted but there continue to be new pictures, updates to the bio, and other changes indicating continuous log-ins.
So are you justified in being upset? What could be some reasons for the behavior? Let’s dive in to find out.
It’s become a habit
Someone who uses these sites regularly can develop a habit in the same sense as social media. You wake up and check messages, look at people the algorithms match you with and begin swiping out of curiosity. It involves little thought; it’s just mindless scrolling, as with most phone activity.
If you don’t see evidence of updating or changes to the profile on Tinder or other apps, you should avoid making assumptions because he’s on the online platform and presuming that detracts from his liking you. It doesn’t mean he’s talking to anyone, nor does it imply intentions to do so.
On the other side of the coin, if there is evidence that the profile is changing with updated photos and new content, that indicates effort, not a habit. It doesn’t, however, give you a reason for the behavior.
While no one would be pleased about it, there are other reasons he’s on the dating site despite the fact he likes you.
There’s uncertainty about what the partnership means
While you’re in the beginning stages, each of you is still trying to figure out where the other person stands, how they feel, and if exclusivity is in their thought process or whether things are moving too quickly.
Digital dating can be confusing since there’s no “norm” established with the concept or expectation.
That means your mate could still be on dating sites whether or not he likes you simply because he believes you are too. That isn’t an indication that the partnership isn’t worth an effort.
Instead of being insecure and worrying about him becoming involved with other people, maintain your confidence and spend time enjoying finding out more about the person and what the two of you could have together, watch where the path might take you.
A significant other is not serious
While your partner might send a message or two, maybe swipe here or there, scroll periodically, sort of look, but not seriously, he doesn’t feel it’s anything anyone, including you, would find to be a big deal – because it’s not to him.
More than likely, if asked, the accounts would likely be deleted, especially if it were something that he thought was bothersome to you since he finds you to be a priority in his life.
There simply hasn’t come the point where you’ve agreed to become exclusive. Perhaps neither of you is entirely ready to discuss it. That’s a simple reason why guys go on dating sites when in a relationship.
When a boyfriend is cheating
There is, of course, the possibility that the man isn’t as committed to you as you might believe. Your boyfriend could sincerely be on the dating app to see other people behind your back instead of coming out and telling you that he isn’t as invested in the union as you are. Also, the man could be using multiple Instagram and Facebook accounts.
The primary reason many of us presume men go on a dating site while in a partnership is that which we dread the most, hope is not the case, and often react to too soon . . . cheating.
On the flip side, if there has been no discussion about seeing other people or you’ve only been seeing each other for a matter of weeks, it’s too soon to feel threatened or set expectations.
You don’t want to push your mate out of your life if there is the possibility of developing something special. Still, it is appropriate to have the conversation about seeing other people at this point if it indeed bothers you.
A romance scammer
Unfortunately, on many dating sites, you’ll run into countless scams. A lot of people believe they’re wise to these without the possibility of falling for fraudulent situations.
Still, the scammers are savvy, always a step ahead, and capable of the right amount of sweet talk to pull vulnerable people into their scheme.
The individuals romance their victims with false profiles getting to know their victims in the same sense as a regular site user.
Still, with the pretense of working towards a relationship, the scammer will siphon money from accounts and anything else of value before you have a chance to learn of their motives. Once you do, they’ve already disappeared.
A threat to the overall safety
In the same vein as a romance scammer, some criminals go on dating sites to steal from people or, worse, harm individuals somehow.
When involving yourself with an app, it’s essential to make sure it’s one where the clients are screened before they’re allowed to mingle with the community.
In some platforms today, background checks are employed, or IDs are taken for security measures, plus many of the sites are paid subscriptions instead of offering free services since those involved in schemes or crimes will typically avoid paying subscription fees. It provides the members a level of safety not standard with free sites. Also, many sites have internal phone verification systems that check for name, location, etc…
How can you determine if a partner has crossed the line
When you acknowledge that your significant other is engaging in online dating even though he indicates having feelings for you, what determines when he has crossed the proverbial line resulting in your walking away from your couplehood.
Is messaging other people inappropriate
Texting depends on content. If you happen to be a naturally flirtatious person, your messages will have that tone regardless of who you send messages to or why.
These should be viewed as harmless conversations meant strictly for fun and enjoyment, nothing more. Likely if read by a mate, the texts could be misconstrued; however, if your partner knows about the messages, they can rest assured they’ll go no further than mere texts.
If there are lies and hiding content, a significant other needs to be concerned about whether there has been stepping outside the commitment with another person met in the online medium.
Do messages result in cheating
Even though these platforms leave many confused about what implies inappropriate behavior while involved in a relationship yet still engaging in online dating activities, there are a few clear-cut rules that denote crossing the line from what construes merely flirting into a blatant emotional (or even physical) affair.
Some of these are exchanging sexy photos, sexting, or maybe on video chat or phone, and then there’s a meeting in person.
While you can harmlessly flirt, taking it to the next level denotes an emotional affair. Intention can also elude cheating, such as hiding the fact you’re on the sites, keeping messages private, or waiting until late at night to engage in conversations, plus looking forward to an interaction with another person showing emotional attachment.
The problem with it is these are fantasies you create from messaging, imagining, or developing a fantastical image of another person that may or may not be the reality of who this person is in real-time. You’re becoming involved with someone you created in your mind.
- Good to read: Find people’s hidden accounts online
Learning if a mate is using online dating to cheat
Even if your partner is fond of you, he might still misuse online dating sites. How can you be sure whether he’s emotionally cheating and not merely flirting with other people? Take a look at a few warning signs:
- Your significant other’s phone password is different, and you are not privy to the information.
- Your boyfriend never leaves his phone unattended, even when charging, and you can’t use it as you did before.
- Your partner spends a lot of time connected and appears distracted when a conversation initiates.
- The relationship is different, with minimal affection and feeling like your significant other is somewhat short-tempered most of the time. When emotionally involved with another person, a boyfriend tends to show an almost sense of resentment for spending time or energy in a relationship when he prefers to invest those emotions online.
What should you do when your boyfriend is still online dating
If a guy likes you, why would he date someone else, especially if you’ve been spending a great deal of time together? Maybe your mate is trying to discern if your partnership is one he wants exclusively.
One thing you may not recognize is you could be the only person the man sees with any sort of regularity, but he’s still not entirely sure, so he’s keeping his options open.
Some guys find a particular degree of security when alternatives are available to them. It looks terrible, especially to family and friends, as far as appearances.
Many people consider meeting other people from dating sites as cheating when you’re involved with someone (as a matter of fact, that is almost always the presumption).
Still, others find it okay when the two of you haven’t determined yet whether you’ll stop seeing or merely speaking to other people. What is the intention behind those mere conversations? That’s where the fine line comes into play.
In this age of technology, an open line of clear communication is essential to avoid situations like emotional attachments or full-on emotional or physical affairs, mainly when any online behavior makes you uncomfortable.
It’s vital to let your mate know your preference is to become involved in a committed, secure, and exclusive union, even if that results at the end of this specific relationship.
Final thought
When a mate has legitimate feelings for you, is there a purpose for maintaining an online persona, messaging with strangers, and establishing new acquaintances?
In the time before the digital age of technology, seeing other people as a method for keeping options open would have been seen as inappropriate.
Although you would have had to see people in real-time in those days, isn’t that just a technicality to excuse today’s inappropriate online behavior? Something to consider.
